15 Ways to Get a Closed-Off Person to Open Up

You’ve heard it said many times that communication is crucial for good relationships. Few people would disagree that open, honest communication is important—but that doesn’t mean everyone is willing or able to talk effectively.

So what happens when your friend or love isn’t open and you’re having trouble coaxing the words out? Try these strategies:
1. If this person is a clam, don’t be a crowbar. In other words, prying someone open usually doesn’t work. It will get you nowhere to demand, plead, or threaten. A gentler approach will get you much further.
2. Realize that for many people, being open is scary. Closed-off people are convinced that being vulnerable invites judgment or rejection.
3. Create a safe environment. Getting someone to open up has everything to do with that person feeling safe and secure.
4. Understand that some closed-off people have hidden wounds. A difficult upbringing or past romantic disasters may have contributed to the fear of being open.
5. Recognize that everyone is wired differently. Each person falls somewhere on the continuum of extrovert and introvert, guarded and transparent. This doesn’t mean that someone naturally closed off can’t learn to open up—but it helps for you to understand that person’s basic temperament.
6. Be an ally, not an adversary. It can be frustrating when someone you love refuses to open up to you. Don’t let frustration become another barrier.
7. Express what openness means to you. Say something like, “Our relationship is so important to me. I want to us to have the closest relationship possible.”
8. Take time for togetherness. Many people need time—lots of it—to feel the freedom to open up.
9. Know that nagging will get you nowhere. When we see someone we love struggling to open up, we want to help—and that desire to help can sometimes cause us to nag and nudge. Doing so will only leave you both frustrated.
10. Set the tone. Make sure the context and conditions are right for open communication.
11. Emphasize empathy. Convey to this person that you “get” what he’s saying and you identify with his feelings.
12. Be a “role model.” Verbalize your own thoughts and feelings, and then allow plenty of space for them to do the same.
13. Accentuate affirmation. Any time he or she makes the effort to be transparent with you, make sure you convey how much you appreciate it.
14. Meet halfway. It’s not realistic or fair to expect anyone to immediately move from closed to totally open. Be satisfied with small steps forward.
15. Employ all of your listening skills. No one is going to be open with you unless he knows he has your full and undivided attention.

Speed Dating

Under Speed dating is defined as a originally from the U.S. method, flirt and make new or
relationship partner, but also to find business contacts. The author (since 1998) Rabbi Yaacov
Deyo, a member of the Orthodox Jewish organization Aish HaTorah is based in Los Angeles
(California, USA). His goal was a contact platform for the Jewish community, so that Jewish
singles can meet more quickly and efficiently, with the prospect of finally getting married and
thus increase the number of Jewish marriages.
To the company founded by Rabbi Deyo speed dating a little later followed speed dating events,
usually business-oriented events with no religious requirement, where male and female singles
participate in the same number, the maximum number of participants for each gender on normally
7-10 persons is limited. Meanwhile, the speed dating enjoys in Germany emerging popularity -
in almost all major cities there are regular events of this kind. In addition to the partner
search results in the possibility, for example when moving to a new city close to fast and
innocuous new acquaintances

Procedure for speed dating

During the whole event gets everyone know every single male single female and vice versa.
For this, the event is divided into rounds, each lasting for about seven to eight minutes.
In this narrow space of time, the singles have the opportunity to get to know each other a
little to interrogate common interests and hobbies, and any desire to have children.
After expiry of the time a bell rings as a sign that asks for change of partners.
At the same time singles record on them previously handed out leaflets, whether their opponent to
see again or not. Now is moved up, so that male and female singles singles sit in a
new constellation opposite. This is repeated until each has talked to everyone again.
After the speed dating singles can decide if they want to see again just to know
the learned singles. Earlier, the organizers gathered for this purpose the previously handed out
paper and evaluated them manually. Many operators, however, are now started to analyze
the speed-dating through an online evaluation form.  One or two days after the speed dating is
the evaluation process usually terminated. At the latest after the deadline will receive
a message about the singles, which again singles of the opposite sex they want. If there is
a match, so the contact between the two singles to be replaced.